


Innocent Enough

by MearaRutherford



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-19 17:19:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15514713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MearaRutherford/pseuds/MearaRutherford
Summary: The Inquisitor and Commander Cullen find they are developing feelings for each other beyond a working relationship, but neither one is exactly sure of how the other feels.





	1. Chapter 1

The warmer afternoon had left the evening pleasant enough to enjoy a cup of tea outside without the usual chill creeping in. The sky was turning slight shades of purple and black as the stars became visible and the moon peaked out from behind the clouds. It was a beautiful night and Meara was in a good mood after playing chess with Cullen. She enjoyed being in his company and found the afternoon had left her with thoughts of him right through dinner.

She strolled through the courtyard with the cup, the warmth felt good seeping into her hands. It was a warmer night, however, there was still the nip of winter in the breeze. Passing the tavern Meara could hear Bull and the Chargers joyfully recalling the previous day’s hunt, _“as if they needed a reason to sing with their drink”_ she laughed to herself. She appreciated the Iron Bull offering to assist in the hunting, _“It will be good for the boys!”_ he had said with a smile. Meara knew he would enjoy it as much as he claimed to use it for training purposes. 

The breeze was picking up a bit and the temperature was dropping as she reached the top of the stairs, but the call of the stars and the night sky lured her on. She nestled into a crook on the edge of the wall to admire the sky, it was peaceful with the regular ruckus of Skyhold settling in to a quiet hum. She needed the break to process, so much had happened in the last few weeks and these feelings she was having for Cullen didn’t help. She just couldn’t help wanting to get to know him better, to be close to him at any chance she was given. Meara could feel the flush rising in her cheeks as she thought back to their game this afternoon in the garden. _“I can’t believe I actually told him we should spend more time together”_ she thought rubbing her temple. Although, she was sure there was a hint of blush on his own cheeks when he said he would like that. 

Meara was so wrapped in her thoughts she didn’t hear the approaching footsteps.

“Inquisitor?” the voice startled her.

Feeling an immediate blush flood her face she tried to look out over the battlements, “You can call me Meara, Cullen, out for an evening stroll? It’s a beautiful evening.” Did he know she was thinking about him? Had he seen how she had blushed? Meara hoped it was just dark enough to mask her red cheeks.

“No, I was just checking on a patrol, new recruits on their first watch.” He stepped over to the edge where Meara was sitting. “What brings you up here?”

“It must have been the pull of the stars and the night sky” she could feel the blushing fade a little, “it is peaceful here and I needed to clear my head.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, if I am disturbing you I can leave you to your stars?” he smiled.

Meara almost instinctively reached out and put a hand on his arm, “no, you aren’t disturbing me. Stay, I like your company.” realizing how she had reached for his arm brought that damn red back in full force!

Cullen looked down at her hand on his forearm and a pink tint graced his own cheeks. His other hand immediately went to rub the back of his neck in an attempt to hide his awkwardness.

Pulling her hand back Meara was unsure of where to take the conversation from here, she had not meant to reach out like that it just happened. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable Cullen, I forget not everyone is as open to being touched.”

“I didn’t… I don’t mind”, Cullen’s stance softened and his whole demeaner changed. “I was just surprised”, offering her a small smile. “It is a beautiful view.”

Meara couldn’t help but notice Cullen’s eyes linger on her before looking out over the wall, the pink in his cheeks deepening to a bright shade of red. Could it be that he felt the same way about her?

A gust of wind ascended the wall and knocked the tea cup out of Meara’s hand throwing her off balance and giving her a shiver as it blew through her tunic. Cullen reached out and caught her as she slipped from her seat at the edge, “We can’t have our Inquisitor falling off the battlements” he laughed. He had taken off his armor for the evening and his hands were warm and calloused. His touch made Meara shiver again. He held her for a moment as she regained her balance and as she looked up to thank him her eyes found his softly gazing into hers. Every part of her lit up and she could feel the butterflies in her stomach stir _. “oh Maker, how I want him to kiss me.”_ Meara thought afraid she had almost said it out loud.

“Found your feet?” Cullen asked trying to shake the thoughts he was having and hopping they had not been as apparent as he feared. Taking off his coat he placed it over Meara’s shoulders “You are shivering, take my coat and warm up.”

“But what about you?” Meara hardly wanted to resist being wrapped in his warmth.

“I am fine, I like the chill” Cullen smiled as he tucked his coat around her.

His coat was heavy and his smell enveloping her was intoxicating, he reached to pull the collar up around her neck then slid his hand over her cheek allowing his eyes to again find hers. He was so close Meara could feel his breath on her lips, her pulse quickened.

Cullen swallowed hard taking a step back, “I should really check on that patrol.”

Meara let out a little sigh of frustration, “I suppose you should, and I should probably get back before I freeze up here.” reaching to take the coat off and give it back to Cullen.

“Keep it” Cullen said pulling the front of the coat back around her, “I can get it tomorrow” a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Meara pulled the coat around her tighter, slipping her arms into the sleeves and bunching them up a little as it hung off her. “Thank you,” she said placing a small kiss on his cheek leaving him red to the tips of his ears. “Goodnight, Cullen” she said softly as she turned to descend the stairs.

“Goodnight, Meara” he sounded almost star struck as she left him to contemplate what had just happened between them.

 

 

 


	2. The Tavern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen finds himself getting unsolicited advice from Blackwall and Dorian about his feelings.

 

Usually a bit of fresh air would clear Cullen’s head, especially when the night was on the colder side. He had left his office with a coat but the events on the wall had led him to give it to Meara to keep warm on her way back to her quarters. Cullen enjoyed the cold, it helped him focus but this evening he was having a hard time clearing his head of anything but her. When the gust of wind had kicked up causing Meara to lose her balance he had reached to steady her without hesitation, it was the letting go of her that had been the part he found himself having to think about. He had to will himself to release her after she regained her balance, he could have held her under the stars all evening. The way she felt in his arms was like she simply belonged there and all he had wanted to do was just kiss her. Her reluctance to step away from him had made it that much more difficult. Was it possible she was having these feelings too?

Cullen tried to push the thoughts from his head but found the more he tried the harder it was. It had been so long since he had thought about anything else but his duties for The Order and he had all but given up on the idea of having someone in his life like that. He had come to the Inquisition to serve as a Commander to train and lead its army, a new life away from the Templars and the lyrium that bound his mind and body. He certainly was not looking to find himself falling in love.

As he passed the tavern he could hear the Chargers singing loudly with Iron Bull, they were still celebrating a successful hunt from that afternoon. It was nice to have the extra experience helping his men gather food for Skyhold, one more thing he found lifted a weight from his shoulders. Absentmindedly, his feet carried him toward the door. Maybe a drink would help clear his head, if nothing else it might distract him from over thinking his feelings for a few moments.

Walking to the bar Cullen noticed several of his men sit up and attempt to straighten their posture trying to look more sober than they were. He gave them a nod that he hoped would say to relax they were off duty for the night, however, he couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that they were taking notice of his presence in the event they had been needed. He reached for the frosty ale he had ordered while placing his payment on the bar.

“Your money is no good here Commander, you work hard to keep us all safe – it’s on the house!” Cabot said and pushed the money back toward him.

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” He smiled at the bartender.

Turning from the bar he saw Master Dennet and Warden Blackwall seated at a table in the corner, Iron Bull and The Chargers were in the opposite corner mugs raised in an off-tune song. The tavern was warm and the buzz of activity provided a brief interruption from his former line of thought. Cullen found a stool, took a long drink and placed his ale on the bar wrapping both hands around the cool mug. The chill brought his thoughts back to the chill on Meara’s skin _“Why would she go out in just a tunic, especially to the top of the wall where the wind blows so hard?”_  His thoughts drifted to how the moonlight had reflected off her pale skin and how she had pulled his coat around her like she was snuggling into an old familiar blanket. He couldn’t help but notice her bring it to her face like she was smelling a bouquet of flowers, the scent must have pleased her judging from the resulting smile and the pink tint that graced her cheeks. _“Maybe she does have the same feelings for me?”_ he wondered.

He lifted his hand to his cheek where Meara had kissed him before she turned to descend the stairs and could feel himself fading into thoughts of how her lips would feel on his when he felt a hand on his shoulder that jarred him back into reality.

“Commander, not burning the candles in your office to the nubs this evening?” Blackwall seemed a bit less stern with an ale or two in him.

“I was out checking on a patrol of new recruits and got lost in my thoughts,” searching to remember his reason for being out this evening. “I guess one foot just followed the other and here I am.”

“Judging by the way you were staring into the mug I would say you have something heavy on your mind?” the Grey Warden asked taking the stool next to him.

“You could say that” Cullen investigated the mug again as if it held the answers he was searching for.

“The burden of command can be a substantial weight on your shoulders, I am happy to lend an ear anytime. I might even have a few helpful suggestions.” Blackwall laughed.

“Thank you Warden Blackwall, I’m afraid my dilemma is more of a personal nature though.”

Blackwall settled into his seat on the stool, “Oh, this wouldn’t have anything to do with a lady now would it Commander?”

Cullen sat up straighter a bit surprised by the accusation, but before he could protest the very idea they were joined by Dorian.

“Someone say they needed love advice!?” Dorian slid onto the stool next to Cullen with a pleased look on his face. “I am not an expert, but I do have a bit of experience being an object of desire.”

Cullen was about to finish his drink and leave, he really didn’t want to discuss this, not here, not now and definitely not with Dorian. The mage put a hand on his shoulder, “You know Commander there is nothing wrong with admitting to yourself you have feelings, you don’t have to work so hard to keep that hard as nails exterior all the time.”

“I hate to admit it, but Dorian is right” Blackwall chimed in.

Cullen was beginning to wonder how many drinks Blackwall had in him if he was agreeing with Dorian.

“This is not the time, we are at war and my focus needs to be on training and preparing our troops.” Cullen objected. “It isn’t the appropriate time to be courting a lady.”

“Yes, we are at war” Blackwall was more intense now, he looked into his drink as if it held some deep revelation “but take it from me war will consume you, it has a way of eating your life away. If you have found someone you feel you want to be with you owe it to yourself to let her know.”

“Exactly, and when precisely is the exact time to tell someone how you feel?” Dorian interjected. “You are right, we are at war, and what if you wait to tell her how you feel, and that time never comes? What if something happens to her and you never get the chance?”

Cullen’s brow furrowed at the idea that Dorian might be right.

“Does she return you affections?” Blackwall looked up from his cup once again.

“I...I don’t know… I think so” Cullen found he was a bit uncomfortable having this conversation, but the two men had made him think.

Finishing his ale Cullen rose from his stool, “I would appreciate if we could keep this between the three of us gentlemen. But you have certainly given me something to think about.”

As Cullen turned to leave Blackwall extended an arm and caught Cullen by the shoulder, the Warden seemed dark and distant. “You have an opportunity to think about what comes _after_ all this Cullen, trust me, you don’t want to find yourself waking up every morning wondering what if.”

With that Blackwall finished his drink and asked Cabot for another.

The statement hit Cullen harder than he would have expected, no he had not come to the Inquisition looking for any of this. In fact, it had caught him completely off guard. Holding Meara in his arms that evening had felt so right, the kiss she placed on his cheek as she left had turned him to pudding for a solid five minutes as he stood there gazing at the night sky. He couldn’t shake the thought of her and the idea of being near her and the warmth he felt every time she smiled at him.

He didn’t remember leaving the tavern, or the chill to the air as he walked back to his office. But he found himself sitting as his desk, one hand placed on his cheek where Meara had kissed him. He needed to talk to her, to tell her how he felt but how, what did he say, what if she doesn’t feel the same way?

“However,” he said to himself softly, a smile settling onto his face, “what if she does?”

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Kiss The Girl

The reports seemed to be never-ending, just when Cullen would get down to the last two or three a new batch would appear as from thin air. His stomach rumbled as midday approached but he had skipped breakfast and was determined to push through these last few reports, so he could find a few minutes to step away. He wanted to talk to Meara, although it felt more like a need than a want.

He had spent most of the night sitting at his desk thinking about how he felt, what he should say to Meara and the intensity in Blackwall at the tavern, the way his voice seemed distant and hurt as he told Cullen to think about what he wanted after all this was over. _“Trust me, you don’t want to find yourself waking up every morning wondering what if.”_ The Warden’s words had hit Cullen harder than he realized, and he couldn’t help wondering what or who Blackwall had left behind. He didn’t want to be the one giving someone else that same advice in a few years, he needed to talk to Meara.  

Finishing the last report he heard the door to office open, _“If that is another damned stack of reports…”_ he thought to himself. Looking up he saw Meara enter his office.

“Cullen, am I interrupting?” she was always quick to make sure not to pull him from reports knowing how fast they could pile up.

“Not at all,” he smiled at her as she walked across the room to his desk. “I was just finishing the last one, for now anyway.”

“I thought we could talk, alone?” Meara asked.

“Alone? I mean of course.” Cullen had wanted to talk to Meara since last night but the idea that she had come to him first took him back a moment. “Let’s take a walk, with the reports filing in and out of my office we will have a bit more privacy.” he suggested.

Stepping outside the sun was warmer than he had expected, or was it just him? He could feel everything he had wanted to say to her come rushing to the surface but wasn’t even sure where to start.

“It’s a nice day.” this was going to be more difficult than he had thought, he found himself rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he had when he was younger. He had grown quickly and was never sure of what to do with his hands, they always seemed out of place without a task to keep them occupied.

“What?” Meara was a bit more distracted than usual.

Stopping on the battlements Cullen turned to Meara, “It’s…” he began again. Realizing the weather was not the conversation he wanted to be having he inquired as to her reason for asking him to talk. “There was something you wished to discuss?”

It was Meara’s turn to be a bit awkward, she turned to face him “Cullen, I care for you and..” her thought was interrupted by a sigh as she appeared to be struggling with something.

Those were the words Cullen wanted to hear, but her sigh left him worried “What’s wrong?”

“You left the Templars, but do you trust mages? Could you think of me as anything more?” the concern in her voice coupled with the look on her face told Cullen this was not easy for her.

 Cullen found the words pouring out of him before he could think, “I could, I mean, I do… think of you, and what I might say in this situation.” The truth was he had been up all night trying to find the rights words to tell her how he felt. He thought he had figured it out and had a plan, but that had gone out the door the minute Meara walked into his office. He was playing this all by ear and felt he wasn’t very good at it. He found himself rubbing at his neck as he started to pace.

“What’s stopping you?” Meara seemed reassured that Cullen was having the same feelings. She leaned against the wall in what appeared to be an attempt to keep Cullen from wearing a path in the rocks.

“You’re the Inquisitor. We’re at war, and you…” Cullen stopped pacing and turned to face Meara, he found himself drawn closer to her as if by some magnetic force. “I didn’t think it was possible.”

Meara offered him a small smile, “And yet I’m still here.”

Cullen wanted to be closer to her to tell her how he felt to hold her in his arms and kiss her. He couldn’t remember a time when he had been this nervous or unsure about his next move, part of him wanted to step away to push this all back down, it was not the right time. Then his conversation with Dorian and Blackwall came back to him _._ The thoughts started to fill his head, “ _What if I never get this chance again? What if something happens to her on her next mission and I never tell her how I feel?”_

It felt like it took every ounce of courage he had to step closer to her, placing one hand on the wall to either side of her he leaned in, “So you are…It seems too much to ask, but I want to.”

He could feel the warm of her on his lips, the lavender scent on her skin pulling him as he leaned in to kiss her.

“Commander!” the intrusion before his lips brushed hers instantly brought his blood to a boil. “You wanted a copy of Sister Leliana’s report.”

“What” Cullen growled, he could feel the expression on his face intensify and hear the irritation at the interruption in his voice as he turned to the soldier. It had taken so much to allow himself to give in to his feelings, to this desire and to let Meara know how he felt and he wasn’t going to lose his opportunity for a damned report.

“Sister Leliana’s report, you wanted it deliver ‘without delay’” the soldier repeated, taking in the look on Cullen’s face and suddenly becoming all too aware of his unwelcome presence. He stepped back as Cullen approached, a look of slight fear of the Commander washed over him. “Or… to your office… right.” backing away slowly as if from a dangerous animal.

Cullen watched the soldier return through the door with a slight satisfaction at the ability to convey his displeasure at the invasion without actually saying more than one word.

“If you need to…” he heard Meara from behind him. _“No,”_ he thought to himself, _“I am not losing this moment.”_

With one step he took Meara’s face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers, they were softer than he had anticipated. Meara relaxed into his hold as he pulled her closer parting her lips with his own, he savored how she tasted of the honey she put in her mid-morning tea.

Stepping back, he realized he could have kissed her more gently, “I’m sorry…that was….um…really nice.” Waiting for her to respond he braced for the possibility that he had over stepped.

“I believe that was a kiss,” Meara smiled at him softly, “but I can’t be sure, it’s all a blur.”

“yes, well...” a laugh of relief escaped as Cullen smiled back at her, she hadn’t tried to pull away from him or free herself from his embrace. If anything, she seemed content to linger in his arms.

Cullen leaned in to kiss Meara again slowly, softly and with more confidence knowing that she wanted him to kiss her as much as he wanted to. He took his time to gently caress her lips with his pulling her closer allowing himself to fully explore the curve of her mouth and the taste of her on his tongue, making sure this time she was left with no question about the kiss or his feelings for her.

 

  

 

 

 


End file.
